29 October 2012

October 29, 2012

These three guys look terrible: dirty, hopeless, exhausted, metropolitan. One of them turns to the others and says he read something interesting once, yeah, he says, he read that most people lost in the wild, well they, he says, they die of shame. And one of them looks up at him and says, Shame, Charles? And he says, Shame.

I didn’t think I wanted to see that dead dog again, blood dripping from his eyes. I told myself when I walked back home I would walk a different way. So it was strange, when I got back to the dead dog, that I stopped and stared until the crows started inching up around me.

And it’s like I’m just now realizing I only get to live life once through, which seems, all things considered, wildly unfair.

Fair? You want fair? I’ll give you fair. 

I walked that whole way knowing I didn’t have my wallet, knowing I would have to turn around and go get my wallet, knowing it was all going to be for nothing, this walk, but, of course, not letting myself know any of that yet, and just continuing on, listening to the new Bat for Lashes album, the one where she is, for the most part, naked on the cover.