6 December 2011

December 7, 2011

I’ve been thinking about how spotify has changed things, about how I used to feel like I owned music, like it was mine, and how this feeling was a sort of analog for actually creating it. Buying an album felt a bit like making one. It was a lie, but a lie I enjoyed. But now — now that I have access to more music than I could ever consume — that feeling of ownership is gone. Now I am truly just listening, just experiencing, just borrowing. I can’t pretend these albums are part of me anymore, and I don’t like that.

Anyways, I renewed my free trial today. Next month, it will automatically charge my card unless I remember to cancel it. And let’s be honest, I’m not going to remember.

I started reading Kierkegaard today. I hope you’re impressed.

I was telling Janessa about how cold it was at UTD last night, about how I almost screamed out loud walking across the parking lot. It was probably -20, I told her, with wind chill and everything. She said she couldn’t remember what -20 felt like, and I forgot that she used to live where it actually got that cold. I was thinking about how heat is quiet but cold is loud, like someone screaming in your ears. There’s something hilarious about it. I get in my car and start laughing out loud sometimes.

I realized yesterday morning that everything I’ve ever done is total crap.

But then today I realized that yesterday I was just being over-dramatic. It’s not all crap, and nothing has been a waste of time. It’s dangerous to measure your productivity by your accomplishments, I think. It’s all adding up to something.

I found out I have a hole in my left shoe, which is disappointing because I really like my left shoe.

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