14 November 2011

November 14, 2011

Here’s something to keep in mind: Nothing lasts forever. Whether that makes you happy or sad says a lot about the way you’re living your life right now. I’ve never been more aware of time passing. I walk up my stairs and think: 2 minutes. I walk into my apartment and think: 3 years.

I went back to California, to the house where I grew up. They’d taken out the olive tree from the front yard. I guess I thought time would stand still if I wasn’t watching. They’d added a second story, too.

My friend and I were eating lunch and he was saying, “If you don’t plan something, it won’t happen.” So I asked him what it meant to have a small circle of friends and he said, “Maybe 8 people, I don’t know.” I thought that sounded reasonable. You can’t keep up with everybody. I just wanted to feel like I was trying to be a good man.

I was at a funeral and nobody mentioned that he’d been a tenured professor. I was glad there wasn’t a casket. The man next to me kept saying, “Jesus, Jesus,” under his breath. And I cried, but I wished I cried harder. We’d all seen this coming, but it didn’t matter. I lost my voice from all the whispering. There was pizza at the wake, and miller high life. I asked my friend if he was okay, it was his father, and he said he wasn’t sure what to do now.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that we’re all just figuring things out, making things up as we go. That’s when I remember that nothing lasts forever, and, to tell you the truth, it’s a huge relief.

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