25 May 2011

May 25, 2011

The clouds looked crazy last night. I was driving home and looked up at the sky and thought, Those don’t look like normal clouds. It turned out I was right. Those weren’t normal clouds at all.

When the sirens first started going off, Janessa looked at me and said, What are we supposed to do?, and I said, I have no idea.

So we went down to the basement, which was really just the lowest part of the parking garage. There was concrete on all sides, so I felt pretty safe but I also felt pretty dumb since we were the only ones down there and we had our cat with us and I brought my backpack because hey you never know.

I was thinking to myself, Is this what we’re supposed to be doing?

I tried to think of things I would miss if our apartment crumbled down, blew away. I couldn’t think of anything. I really couldn’t. Granted, I didn’t really think for all that long. We were in the middle of a tornado.

I’ve never seen lightning like that. It was constant, like flashbulbs at a basketball game.

Jay and I were walking to lunch today and talking about tornados and he was saying that he always sort of hopes for a disaster, for something that would interrupt us for awhile. I said I knew exactly what he was talking about, but that something changes when you have a wife who’s looking at you and asking you what to do, where to go, where to hide. That changes things.

I listened to the XX almost all day today. It felt like it did a year ago, like when I was first working here. There’s a line in the last song that says, “I don’t have to exist outside of this place.” I’m not sure what the singer means by that line, but I think he’s talking about regret.

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