20 April 2011

April 20, 2011

What if I were to lose my imagination entirely.

I sat in my car over lunch reading infinite jest, and I kept falling asleep. I didn’t even realize it. I would just wake up and try again. I decided to drive over to taco bell instead, which was pretty much the worst decision I made all day. It would have been faster just to walk.

And it’s not that infinite jest is boring. It’s not. It’s just that I’m so tired.

I think life is best lived 5 times over. That we only live once is a travesty.

I’m tired of trying to “get there.” Trying to feel something that I wouldn’t otherwise feel. I’m tired of closing my eyes and concentrating and grasping at nothing, like trying to stay dreaming after you’ve started to wake.

The girl at Starbucks this morning said: “Don’t worry, I won’t talk to you today. I don’t want you to dread coming in here.”

I’ve been absent lately. Like I’m getting letters from myself about what I’m up to. I can’t seem to just be somewhere. I’m always everywhere but where I am.

What if someone became so introverted they hid even from themselves.

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