6 April 2011

April 7, 2011

I’ve been wondering if all problems in the world are actually problems of location: Things not being in the right place at the right time. Money, for instance. It’s not that there’s not enough of it, it’s that there’s not enough of it in the right places, with the people who need it most at whatever particular moment. It’s the problem of lateness. The problem of adultery.  The problem of a life completely devoid of serendipity. Location. Location. Location.

And so I do what everyone else does when they feel down: I buy things at Barns and Noble.

I asked the woman at the information desk if they had any copies of Infinite Jest. She said, Well, Let’s see, and she lead me back to the F’s. I said, You know, I think Foster might be his middle name (even though I knew it was). I said, I wonder if it might be with the W’s, for Wallace (even though I knew it was). And then I let her lead me back to the W’s (Even though I knew it wasn’t on the shelf (which was the whole reason I asked her about it in the first place)). Anyways, it turns out they had some in the back.

Somehow the heft of that 1000 page book made me feel lighter.

Sometimes I pretend that other people’s work is my own. Just in my own head. Just to wonder at what it would feel like. I walked back from the bookstore thinking, Look at this huge book I’ve written, this impressive thing here, and all the raving blurbs! Unrivaled Talent? No way, New York Times, no way.

It’s pretty shallow, but it’s something I do sometimes.

A friend of mine asked why I don’t allow comments on this blog, and it got me to thinking about how everyone says the internet is a conversation, and how I don’t really know what they’re talking about. This isn’t a conversation. This is self-publication. This is pirate radio. This is me pretending to keep a journal while knowing exactly — exactly — how many people view it per day.

Anyways, thanks for reading this. Comments are welcome, but you’ll have to come find me at my desk. Or, you know, email me.

“Oh, also, I love you, and I love our lives, and I’m happy.”

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