16 March 2011

March 16, 2011

I don’t think anyone wants to get to the top of anything anymore. I don’t think there’s a rat race. No one I know is interested in that. Maybe 30 years ago, but not now.

I was at a company that told me they had big plans for me. Big plans. I quit a few weeks later. They had no idea what I wanted.

I haven’t been sleeping well. The world feels surreal after dark, after I’m laying in my bed staring up at the ceiling listening to the air conditioner. The whole apartment shakes when it comes on. Sometimes I imagine the cool air like the color blue. I feel a weird sort of happy, a drowsy sort of conscious. But then I wake up and the edges are hard again.

It’s hard to see things the way they are. We’ve been told, “The world is this way,” and so we’ve seen the world that way, but it’s not really that way at all. We’ve been told, “You are like this” but we’re not really like that at all. It takes a lot of work to get beneath it all. It takes a lot of work to say something true.

 

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