17 Jan 2011

January 17, 2011

I’m tired of neon signs, how they’re always going out, letters here and there “on the blink”, as I heard one guy describe it. It puts me off.

I almost bought a book today about story structure. First act, second, third act type stuff. Graphs. Plot lines. In the introduction the author talked about how there are only so many types of stories to be told and that you have to decide which one you want to tell. Is your character going to have internal conflict or external? Are they going to come out on top or beaten down? What big decision are they going to make at the end of the 2nd act? I put the book back and bought a burger instead.

I thought this moment was incredibly moving. I printed it out, cut it up, and glued it into my journal with a glue stick Kevin gave me. It’s this massive glue stick. I keep it in my backpack.

Moments like that are what keep me from buying books about structure, even though they would probably be helpful.

I went to a hockey game over the weekend. Every time a player got shoved into the wall, decked to the ground, the crowd would go wild, just loved it. My brother-in-law said, “People in the north like finesse, people in the south like a fight.”

It rained most of yesterday, just this thin, sticky rain that you don’t notice until your glasses are covered and your jacket is damp. I put on Kanye’s new album and went for a walk after the sun had gone down. It was dark enough that I didn’t notice the rain until my socks were wet. I was listening to “power” and kind of picturing this music video going along with it, this guy walking, me, walking, walking, up stairs, flights and flights of stairs, he’s wearing this overcoat and it flips behind him as he walks, then Kanye says, “This would be a beautiful death” and the guy does this sort of half-axel off the top of a building, doesn’t even hesitate, not one bit, and falls backwards, his overcoat wild in the 100mph wind. That was last night. I came into work this morning and read this article about one of the 9/11 jumpers, and I didn’t like my music video idea anymore.

I once had a job where I talked to suicidal people on the phone. I’d ask them questions. What type of pills? How many? Where are you? Is there a friend you can call? I learned quick that most people just wanted attention, the rush of hearing themselves say “suicide”. And so they’d talk a lot, act hysterical, say they were going to blow their brains out or whatever, and that’s when I’d know they weren’t serious. Suicidal people don’t scream. Suicidal people are calm as hell.

“That which doesn’t kill us

is merely waiting;

it will.”

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