Life Lesson #1: Charge the Phone

July 10, 2010

IT HAPPENS LIKE this — my car overheats on the way to work. Overheat is vague. By “overheat” I mean that the white plastic needle on the left side of my dash, which I glance at far too rarely, edges past it’s nice, normal, symmetrical home and rises towards, but never quite reaches, the reddish area at the top. By “work” I mean Starbucks.

I figure an hour and a half in the parking lot will do the car some good. Give it time to cool off. Think things over.

After “work” I go to work—no problems. After work—9 hours later—I go home. On my way home (oh, so close to home) I overheat again. This time by “overheat” (and this is really where the vagaries of the word come in), I mean that my car spews green liquid.

I pull into a McDonalds and let the green liquid drain into an embarrassing puddle on the ground. I get a call from Janessa.

Her: Where are you?
Me: I just broke down at McDonalds.
Her: My car won’t start.
Her: And I’m at McDonalds too

Unfortunately, no: we are not at the same McDonalds. We are at two very different McDonalds. And even more unfortunate are the two beeps in my ear that tell me I am either getting another call or my phone is dying.

My phone is dying.

My wife and I are broken down on opposite sides of town, there is steam pouring from my car, green liquid on my shoes, and now…my phone is dying. I am helpless. I am the anti-husband. I am the chaos.

And this brings me to my first life lesson: charge the phone.

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